Our stock is good stuff

Well, the slate we’ve got in stock is good stuff. Yes, we’re biased, I know. But….. Our slate doesn’t change colour. Our slate isn’t lumpy, bumpy, humpty or indeed dumpty. It doesn’t vary in thickness. What we supply isn’t some thin, flimsy thing which is going to make you or your chosen contractor turn the air blue in frustration, as he/she/they/their dog think “what in the name of all that is holy possessed me to purchase this crap from (insert name here) slate supply company?” No, dear listener, what we’re hoping you will give some consideration to, is that our slate has a natural face (i.e. the bit you stand on) with a gauged, or sawn, underside. “What difference does that make to me, you moron, all I want to do is pay the least amount and not line your pockets” is what you’re thinking.

Well, three things: A. Please don’t assume I’m a moron until you really know me. 2. You want to get to know me, don’t you? I can see that twinkle in your keyboard. F. Our slates are a set thickness. All of them. They don’t vary. They’re not “8-12mm nominal” or some other guff. This means they’re so much easier to lay, meaning time saved and therefore money too. Your money. And your patience and contribution to the swear box.

Let’s recap for the ones who are challenged by too many words: Our slate doesn’t vary in colour or thickness – but it’s still clearly natural slate. Our most popular seller is the 900 x 600 x 12mm. Each piece of this size weighs approximately 18kgs or nearly 3 stone. So don’t drop one on your foot, you clumsy oaf. You can use them indoors or outdoors. Personally I’d seal them if you’re putting them inside in case you spill something, because, as we’ve already established, you are clumsy. And an oaf.

Do we deliver? No, just chicken, king prawn and char sui. Sorry, couldn’t help it. YES WE DELIVER! A full crate of 900 x 600mm has 55 pieces in it. BUT, you can have just one piece if you want. Because you’re you. We can supply you with pretty much any size from 300 x 300mm right up to 900 x 900mm. Want more than 55 pieces? Get you, Billy Big Boots! Come on then, tell us how many, or how many square metres, or if you really want us to work for it, how many square feet or yards. Want a free sample? Who doesn’t want something for nothing? Course you do. Just ask, please. But say please. And thanks. Everyone of our competitors on the internet hands out free samples for fun, don’t they?